For weeks I’ve been brainstorming how to write a snarky post about people who don’t offer pregnant people a seat on the train.
Which, to my complete surprise, is almost everyone. I’ve been noticeably preggo for awhile... people look at my belly, look at my face, look at my belly and then look away!*
But then yesterday a middle aged woman with a cane walked on the train. At first it seemed like she was going to ask for money, but she matter-of-factly asked,
“Will someone please give me a seat?”
It took a little too long, but eventually an older woman nudged a younger guy and he gave up his seat for her.
After she sat the woman was totally content. She just knew what she needed and she asked for it.
This made me realize I’ve been victimizing myself.
Sure, I do EXPECT people to offer seats to pregnant ladies. Yes, I think they SHOULD get up for me.
But lord knows people don’t do what we expect of them or what WE think they *should* do!
The most simple, direct route (and most effective) is to express our needs + ask for what we’d like.
It might get a NO or in the subway scenario - radio silence and being ignored, but at least we’re no longer assuming people can read minds.
I’m going to try something new: asking for a seat on the subway and see how it goes.
I’ll report back in the comments!
What does this have to do with you?
Well, we all victimize ourselves sometimes.
I see this show up in my clients...
With movement clients:
“I don’t have childcare in the evenings so it's impossible for me to find time to exercise.”
If you have a partner can you express your desire to focus on your health & wellness to them? Can you ask them to trade off a night with you? Do you have the funds to hire a babysitter? Can you talk to your boss + adjust your lunchbreak hour to get to a class? Can you be really honest with yourself + press play on a 10 min at home workout video right before bed or as soon as you get up, rather than getting lost for 30 min on Facebook?
With business consulting clients:
”It’s not fair - everyone else’s online business is growing, but mine’s just crickets!?”
Are you asking people to buy your product? Are you talking about your services and how they help people? Have you consistently shown up for your audience even when (especially when) they haven’t worked with you before? Have you asked your potential clients how you can best help them? Have you hired people to help you? Have you asked your colleagues to do collaborations and help you share?
People won’t know you want/need something until you let them know.
Where is it for you?
Where are you playing the victim?
In what area can you clearly express your needs and communicate what you want?
I'd love to know how this shows up for you. Leave me a comment here with your response!
With love + asking for what we need,
*PS - I know, I know, some people are afraid of offending someone who’s NOT pregnant. EASY FIX: if you *suspect* that someone may be pregnant, make eye contact + then simply stand up and walk to a different part of the train. If they’re not pregnant they can assume you’re getting up for any number of reasons! If they are pregnant they’ll be SO appreciative!
PPS - I'm putting together something new for you! More details soon - but the idea is to increase our body kindness + use movement and mindfulness to feel at home in our skin again. It's not all flowers + puppy dogs. Some of it requires challenging work and looking at some of the deeper, darker areas... like noticing where you may be victimizing yourself and standing in your own way of getting what you want. Consider this subject today and leave me a comment below about an area where you victimize yourself. Then get excited because this new program will be ready for you next month!!! Stay tuned!
HIYA, I'M ELYSE!
I'm a personal trainer, fitness coach, and yoga teacher who gets people moving with in-person training and my signature online programs. I want to help people drop the guilt/shame game around exercise and start working out with ease and kindness. When I'm not doing squats and sun salutations, I'm dressed up in vintage lindy hop dancing or gathering other Lovely Lady Entrepreneurs to talk about their careers and living their most passionate lives. Start moving with me today with these FREE stretch breaks you can do to feel more energized and aligned during your day! - stretchbreak.elysesparkes.com
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